Family Bonds

While reading the family bonds section of the textbook, I felt a lot of connections with that section. I can understand why living with families may harm a relationship, but I also feel it can bring your relationship closer as well. I know after college, I am moving back home and living at home for a while until I feel stable enough to move out and be on my own. I also love being home and my family situation is different than others so going home for me I feel would not hurt my relationship with my parents or siblings. Since my family is within three miles of each other (including grandparents, aunts and uncles), we are constantly around each other. Since I've been away at college, my sister and I have gotten closer. We are both easily angered and if we start bickering with each other it both ends in yelling. My brother and I on the other hand have never had a fight before. I think part of that is our age difference along with us both being very alike with our personalities. I think comparing America to other countries such as Germany, Americans hold a closer family value than they may. I know my friend who lives in Germany doesn’t live with her parents and hasn’t for a few years since she can have her own apartment. I know I am extremely lucky to have the family I do, and I wouldn’t want it any other way.

Divorce

It is interesting to me that since 1980, almost 1/2 as many divorces have happened as marriages. However, marriages are beginning later in life than ever before (Berger, 2011). I think there are so many variables here. Society certainly is one. We live in the U.S. where marriage is viewed as the right thing to do. It's just what follows dating someone. Also, I think that when my grandmother was a child, for instance, divorce was sort of taboo. However, this has changed and divorce is more accepted by society. While we view this as a negative thing, in many situations, divorce is necessary. I certainly do not want to ever have to live through a divorce, and would do everything possible to avoid it, but I understand that in the case of a destructive marriage it may be necessary. In prior years, women had to rely on men completely to bring in the family income. Many women had no choice but to stay in an unhappy, destructive, or abusive relationship. This is not the case anymore. Women now have jobs outside of the home making it possible to live. However, I imagine it would still be quite a shock to have to leave a marriage, as a women ,and be able to support a family in any way comparable to what was before on a dual income.  In many cases, though, it would be necessary to just figure it out. Like we've learned, stability is key in the raising of children. If the household is simply not stable, I would be concerned for my children and want to do what I needed to do for them. I think as a society, we should be focused on people being sure of who they are marrying before entering into a marriage.

Marriage and Divorce

When I was growing up I was taught that marriage is sacred and something that should be taken very seriously, today it seems like this is not the case. Many people get married and divorce very frequently and this leaves me to wonder why? Berger (2011) states that people are getting married later in life now more than every before. I personally don't see this trend happening, I feel like people my age are getting married too quickly. They start a relationship and then a year later then are getting married, to me this seems impossible. I wonder if this is what is contributing to the high divorce rate? Are people getting married too soon and thus then getting divorced because they did not receive the outcomes that they had hoped for? Divorce does not just effect one person, it effects an entire family. Families all have linked lives, the actions of one person directly effect the rest of the family. Divorce not only can potentially harm the children but it can also harm the divorcees as well. This is because the divorcee me feel like a failure as a spouse and that they could not adequately find the rite mate. This still brings me back to the question of do people marry too quickly? I feel like my generation is in such a rush to get to the next step or the next level that they are not slowing down to enjoy the stage of life that they are in now.

Reference:
Berger, K. S. (2011). The Developing Person Through the Life Span. New York: Worth Publishers.

Cohabitiation

While reading the section on cohabitation this week, I started pondering about the consequences that came from it. I instantly thought of many people that are involved in cohabitation. Cohabitation is and arrangement in which a couple live together in a committed relationship but are not formally married (Berger, 2011).  My one friend was engaged for 5 years and was living with her boyfriend for the last 2 years. I kept asking her when she was going to plan the marriage, but she kept saying her fiance kept pushing it off. Eventually they fought so bad that they broke off the engagement and had to move back into their parents house. I thought to myself how much my ego would drop if I had to move back in with my parents after being on my own for so long along with the pain of the breakup. This is where I feel that living with each other before marriage is a hard situation. Of course there are divorces but I believe that filing for a divorce is a lot harder than breaking off an engagement or relationship. This is why I think it's a wise idea not to live with your significant other before marriage. On the opposing side, people say that living with each other before marriage gives you an idea of what it will be like if you were married. This is a very good point from the opposing view. I know that when I went on vacation for a week with my one boyfriend, I knew the relationship would never work out in the future. This was because I realized his values on the way one should live and the values I had were totally different. I would not have known that if I would not have lived with him that one week on vacation. I have had the opposite effect with another boyfriend where I knew he probably would make a great long term boyfriend and husband based off of the week we spent in the mountains together. Although I would not recommend living with my significant other before marriage for myself, I can see why others would benefit from it.

Berger, Kathleen. (2011). The Developing Person Through the Life Span. New York, NY : Worth Publishers. 

Social Media and Dating

Over the last decade social media has been in popular use among young adults, especially in the dating field.  Three-fourths of all 18-19 year-olds in the United States use social networking to keep in contact with hundreds, perhaps thousands, of others (Pew Research Center, 2010).There are many pros to online dating such as easy access to one's hobbies, values, religious beliefs, and political views. Having this information up front can eliminate unfit candidates right from the beginning. Talking online for awhile can also give people a chance to get to know each other in great depth. They can do this without all the pressure of being physical or dealing with each other face to face first. There are many cons of dating online as well. A major con is that many people hide behind computer screens today in order to find a potential date. The old fashion way of asking someone out in public when they are interested in someone has become almost obsolete in my opinion. Some may say that this is a good thing because it reduces the hurt from rejected. I would disagree with them since I'm finding out that without a digital screen in front of people, they aren't willing to put the effort into asking someone out. I also think that online dating can be a waste of time sometimes. This is because most people put on a front about who they really are online. Everyone has the ability to say great things about themselves but their dates usually are disappointed when their is little action backing up their words in real life. When you meet someone in other ways than the internet, you know how they act right away. Many of my friends have had both positive and negative experiences with online dating, mostly negative. I believe it is possible for people to find true love on social media since I've seen it happen before. However, more cases than not, it turns into a headache.

Berger, Kathleen. (2011). The Developing Person Through the Life Span. New York, NY : Worth Publishers. 

Vocational Identity

Achieving vocational identity is part of the emerging adult. The current trend, in this society due to jobs requiring more education, is that people are going to school longer than ever before. Unlike previous generations, jobs are becoming less technical. Because of this, achieving this vocational identity is taking longer.
One thing I have noticed is that the younger generation seems to have a certain idea that their job may be more satisfying than it actually turns out to be. And rightfully so right? Because he or she may have taken longer to fulfill the educational requirements and it may have taken longer to actually find a job. So, why wouldn't we want to be satisfied?! I even see a difference in the way I tend to think about a job earlier in life as opposed to my sister who is 4 1/2 years younger than I am. I tend to think you kind of just need to "bite the bullet" and do some time to gain credibility. After doing your time, you hope to move on to something more ideal. The younger generation seems to look at a job as a defining characteristic of themselves. Like we need to do things that fulfill us on many different levels. I think this is so difficult to find. Also, while we search for these types of fulfilling jobs, we are often losing money. We have be able to afford to live.
I think, over time, it seems to become harder and harder to define oneself by our careers. I also find that being a nurse, I tend to enjoy aspects of my job, and despise others. Isn't this kind of normal though? I don't know....I guess I always figured that the word "job" meant that much of it was going to be work....which tends not to be so fun after all.
What I do know is that "emerging" into adulthood isn't always easy as the realities of life tend to hit you square between the eyes.

Relationships

It's really amazing how much a person or  people can have such a positive and negative effect of you. Relationships is probably by far the hardest thing to handle in life. I say this because you have to be able to cater to the ones that you love the most when they are in time of need and you want someone to cater to your needs whenever you feel the same way. Many times we don't always have that energy to fulfill everyone's needs because we are unable to fulfill our own needs for the most part. But relationships if very effective, it bring love, happiness, hope, and security. You know that you are not alone and can count on someone for closure. Relationships on the other hand can be very intimidating and overwhelming. You get angry at the ones that you love, there are disagreements, and fights. It breaks us down sometimes and makes us realize our selfish ways, we become aware of our own thoughts and emotions. Which then gives us a sense if clarity and satisfaction that certain relationship are worth the fights and arguments.

Male and Female friendship

For this chapter, the section of male and female friendship interested me the most because I come across this topic many times with my friends. When my friends and I engaged in this topic, half of us agree to disagree. The reason for this is because, many of us believe that male and females can be friends and the other half believes that they can't. I am on the  half that believes that male and female cannot be friends. The reason I say this is because, male and female that spends quality time together many times gain some kind of affection for one another. I believe that females becomes much more attracted to a guy friend. Many of us are so sensitive and we care so much that we put ourselves in the position that, that person might feel the same way due to the simple fact that we spend so much time together. I had one friend that went through the same experience, her and her guy friend has been friends since freshman year of high school. During the second year of high school, they were hanging out everyday and she would tell him everything.  The attention that she received from him made her feel secure. She felt wanted from someone that she truly cared about and because of this, the feelings came in, and she was starting to fall for him. It was always so awkward because after a few months, he stared to talk to someone else. They did not hang out or talk as they used to, she was disappointed and but, there was nothing that she could do.




That is the main reason why I never believed a guy and a girl could be friends. It comes to the point where someone begins to fall for the other and they know that nothing can happen because they are friends. But, I think that it is always beneficial to have a close friend. Times are hard and friends are very rewarding during our times in need.   

Thoughts on Women and Emerging Adulthood

I am interested in emerging adulthood and this stage for women in the current society. I have a few girlfriends that are in their early 30's, want to have a family and kids, but have no prospective significant other in their lives. I also got married at age 30, and had my first baby at 31. I realize that this would be considered "later in life" to many women from the previous generation. I did not know what I wanted to be for the rest of my life when I was 18 years old as many kids do not, nor did I know how much it would actually cost to live. My path to find a career took much longer. And, I am still in school at 35! With the women's movement, we see many more women succeeding in jobs that we weren't traditionally doing. Being a "career woman" is often times seen as admirable. Might I add that I admire women for pursuing their dreams and climbing the career ladder.

On the other hand, in order to pursue a career, women often have to put having a family on hold for awhile. The only problem is, the biological clock keeps ticking.....
And, we can absolutely wait to have kids until later, however, I do not know of a single friend of mine that would not claim it gets harder as we get older. By this I mean, it feels physically harder. Also, once you hit 35, you must undergo more testing and are lumped into the "high risk pregnancy" category which is downright scary. After 35, women have a higher risk for pregnancy related illnesses such as gestational diabetes and high blood pressure. There is also an increased risk of having a baby with complications.

So, I really don't know how long we want to wait to begin a family as women. But, sometimes it feels like we have no choice because we need to "get on our feet" before we have babies. This seems like the responsible thing to do. While our parents tell stories of having multiple kids living in the same bedrooms, piling in cars with not enough seat belts, and wearing hand-me-downs from older siblings ALL the time, this doesn't seem like the way the American society is moving. It seems like we need bigger houses, monster SUV's, and designer clothes on our kids as a way to prove we have truly made it. And really, when have we "made it?" In the current society, I think it's hard for women to know what it actually is that will bring them happiness because we simply want to do it all.

Friendship

Friendship is extremely important throughout life, especially in emerging adulthood. Emerging adults are constantly facing decision about everyday life and about the future, they need friends and support to make those decisions and people to talk to when they are feeling stressed. Emerging adults not only have the friends that they grew up with but they are also constantly making new friends while going to college or in their jobs. One type of friendship that is more pronounced and can be considered my controversial is the friendship between males and females. A vast majority of adults believe that if a male and a female are friends they are dating or that they have an intimate relationship, which is not necessarily the case. In today's age of emerging adults these types of friendships are more and more normal, but they usually do not occur if either the male or the female is already in a relationship, because they do not want to upset their partner or cause any suspicion as to whether they are being faithful or not. Friendship is an important part of an emerging adults life as they prepare for the rest of their lives and start navigating the hardships of adulthood through all of this they turn to friends for support.

Reference:
Berger, K. S. (2011). The Developing Person Through the Life Span. New York: Worth Publishers.

Vocational Identity

Every emerging adult has to achieve some kind of vocational identity. For some it takes longer than others. Some emerging adults go off to college to figure out what they want to do with their life, some do it for a career, some just go to put off finding a job. Most emerging adults today go to college to get an education to have a fruitful career for the rest of their lives. Other emerging adults don't go to college, but leave high school and find a job almost right away. Most emerging adults that do go to college take on part time jobs in order to get through college. I personally worked two jobs while pursuing my first degree to become a registered nurse. I worked at a nursing home and at a fast food restaurant. I did this to help with school expenses and to have a little money that I could use for recreational spending. I am currently working while going to school now, but the big difference now is that I am in my chosen career path, and I am currently working to further my nursing career. I like other emerging adults my age have a journey to go on to reach their vocational identity. I think everyone does this differently, and everyone's vocational identity path progresses differently, but we all reach our identity differently and at different times.

Reference:
Berger, K. S. (2011). The Developing Person Through the Life Span. New York: Worth Publishers.

Friends

We have all had our fair share of friendships and bonds with unexpected people we would never have imagined to be so close with. Friendships bring support and joy and occasionally drame from time to time, but what type of relationship doesn't. Your five today may not be your five next week; people drift among layers and sometimes fall out of them altogether.

I myself have had my fair share of friends and to look back now most the ones I had in high school were just kind of people you associate with on a day to day because we went to the same school, had the same classes and routine schedule. Then you have those "best friends" who are like your soulmate and you go through it all together, someone you have by your side through anything and everything. 

Our real-world friends tend to know the same people that we do, but in the online world, we can expand our networks. It is always easier to have that 1,125 friends on Facebook, but how many are truly your friends out side of the social networking? You can have 895 followers on Instagram, but they are just viewing your life through what you allow. With social media, we can easily keep up with the lives and interests of far more than the people we socialize with on a daily basis. These are the kind of superficial relationships we have with people we don't connect on a face-to-face level. “On the internet, you can pull the plug and walk away. There’s no forcing mechanism that makes us have to learn.” -Dunbar

"Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born." -Anais Nin


 Konnikova, M. (2014, October 07). The Limits of Friendship. Retrieved November 16, 2016, from http://www.newyorker.com/science/maria-konnikova/social-media-affect-math-dunbar-number-friendships 

Emerging Adults and Their Parents

Reading the emerging adults section in the textbook was a homerun for myself. I am a homebody. I will go home any weekend I can, and I will stay home until it gets late and I really need to come back to school. I also am planning on moving back home after graduation in May. I am choosing to move home for many reasons. I do not feel a huge connection out in Lancaster County, my family is in Montgomery county, I want to get settled and teach in Montco, and save some money. I thought the textbook was interesting when it talked about adult children and the reasoning to coming home. I don’t have any issue with moving back home with my family and I will have a middle school brother and my sister will be in college. I think it’ll be easier to have support and guidance and company at home rather than be by myself and feel the pressure of paying back loans while paying a lot of bills. My friend from Germany moved out of her parents flat and lives down the road from her parents in her own flat. I have always been super thankful for everything my parents do for not only myself, but my siblings. After reading this section in the textbook I could feel even more of a blessing in disguise. While I understand not every student may be as lucky as I am, I know I couldn’t thank my parents enough for what they do and I can’t wait to help my children in the future like they’ve helped myself.

Friendship

Friendship is often thought of a bond between two people who may share similar interests, or get along very well. Friends can also be a huge support system when you don’t want to turn to anyone else. Since I’ve been growing I’ve lost friends, gained some, and still have friendships from my childhood. I think it’s so amazing to see how I still have friendships from elementary school and church, even though we all go to different colleges and have different career paths. Some of my friends that I’ve been friends with since diapers because our parents are friends. I think if our parents weren’t friends we may not have made that friendship last. I know from being unsure how long that friendship may have lasted without the guidance of our parents, we may not be friends if it wasn’t for them. Some of my closest friends are from my childhood. Some of my other closest friends are from college. I think it’s interesting to relate the two together. I became friends with three girls in elementary school because of church and our parents being friends. Even though we are at 4 different universities studying four different majors, we all come home and talk like nothing has changed. Looking at my college relationships can be quite similar. Childhood I grew up and went through a lot of changes. College is the same way as childhood except you’re not 5, you’re 18 and on your own now. Some of my closest friends from college were from my freshman or sophomore year when I was still growing into who I will be in the future. I’m excited to see how I’ll grow over the next 20 years and who I’ll become close friends with based off of my career and future plans!